The Secrets That We Keep

From the moment Micah died I felt deeply changed in a most dramatic way. I will never be the same person I was before this. Sometimes I have to remind myself that, yes, this is really happening to me. People are not talking about somebody else, cards aren't being sent to somebody else, the funeral wasn't for somebody else's baby...When I do feel so sad inside I sometimes tend to block out the reason why. This is not a bad dream that I am waking up to every day this really is happening to me and Jake. My pregnancy really is over, the plans and the dreams have really disappeared. No more baby clothes and blankets, no more lullabies and nights spent rocking my baby to sleep. What I thought would be an exciting and beautiful birth was ripped away and replaced with a night filled with fear. The milk I thought I would be giving to my baby has come and gone leaving just another reminder of all that I wanted to give and now can't. The crib I thought I would be setting up is still tucked away in storage. The tiny clothes I thought I would dress him in have been packed away.
After coming home from the hospital and taking some time to heal, a regular routine followed. I had to go and do errands just like before and everywhere I went I felt as if a neon sign was flashing above my head, "Grieving Mother". I thought that it must be obvious. But it wasn't. I wanted to say to the person who cut in front of me in the aisle, "If you only knew...You would have stepped aside in respect." I wanted to say to the mother being short with her children in the check out line, "If you only knew... you would love them every second." I wanted to say to each person that crossed my path or stared in my direction, "If you only knew the secret that I keep."
I just finished reading "The Christmas Box" which is highly recommended to people that have lost children. It is a deeply moving story for anyone to read but had special significance for me. There is a part in the book that captured what I feel.

"Mary is the warmest, most open individual I've ever met, except..."She paused. "Do you ever get the feeling that she is hiding something?"
"Something?"
"Something tragic. Terribly tragic. Something that shapes you and changes your perspective forever."

How many people around us are keeping such secrets? How many people do we pass in the aisle at the store or cut off while driving, keep tragic secrets? I know so many wonderful people that are the holders of tragic secrets. What would their neon sign say..."I have diabetes." Or, "My newborn had open heart surgery." Or, "My husband is battling cancer." Or, "I haven't been able to have a baby." Or, "My husband was killed in an accident." Or, "I placed my baby for adoption." Their tragedies are not obvious either. There are not neon signs that warn strangers to be kinder and more sympathetic.

I have come to the conclusion that almost every person we come into contact with has a trial of some sort whether great or small. And we never know who those people are until we get to know them. That is why it is so important to treat everyone with dignity and kindness. Even if they don't deserve it. We don't know all of the secrets that people keep. But I really think if we did get to glimpse into others heart's and see their sorrow's we would not judge or act unkindly to anyone. Isn't that what it means to be "Christlike"? I do not pretend to be kind to everyone all of the time but it is something that I am more aware of now and I would like to become better at doing. And I have a lot of work to do.

In the talk, "The Virtue of Kindness" Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin said,

"Kindness is the essence of greatness and the fundamental characteristic of the noblest men and women I have known. Kindness is a passport that opens doors and fashions friends. It softens hearts and molds relationships that can last lifetimes.

Kind words not only lift our spirits in the moment they are given, but they can linger with us over the years.Kindness is the essence of a celestial life. Kindness is how a Christlike person treats others. Kindness should permeate all of our words and actions at work, at school, at church, and especially in our homes.

Each one of us will travel a different road during this life. Each progresses at a different rate. Temptations that trouble your brother may not challenge you at all. Strengths that you possess may seem impossible to another.

Never look down on those who are less perfect than you. Don’t be upset because someone can’t sew as well as you, can’t throw as well as you, can’t row or hoe as well as you.

We are all children of our Heavenly Father. And we are here with the same purpose: to learn to love Him with all our heart, soul, mind, and strength, and to love our neighbor as ourselves. 2

By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have ^alove one to another. John 13:35