Let Love Lead the Way

I just got home from a little luncheon with a few other sisters in my ward and I am totally exhausted. I tried really hard to fit in and feel "normal" but right now I just feel out of place and a little overwhelmed. My daughter was playing with another little girl and I watched her say to Payton, "This might scare you but I need to tell you..." then she leaned up to Payton's ear and whispered, "Your baby died."
Thankfully no one else heard and Payton handled it well. But it still hurts.

I am feeling a little lost in a fog of everyone else's normalcy. There is an underlying feeling of awkwardness whenever I am around other people that know who I am and what I just went through. The awkwardness doesn't come from me, it comes from other people. Other people that are not comfortable with sincerely asking me how I am feeling and they just go along as if nothing happened. The people that sincerely ask how I'm doing and aren't scared to check in with me are the people that I feel good being with. I don't want to talk about my son to everyone that I come into contact with. But I would like to feel that people are not afraid to acknowledge him with simple questions or comments. I do know that many people just do not know what to do around someone that is grieving. They might be concerned about what to say or what not to say. They might be worried that bringing up the deceased person will make it worse.

If I could get any point across it would be this...by not acknowledging the sorrow of a grieving individual you are saying that you are more concerned about feeling uncomfortable. I experience so many sacred moments with people that are willing to mourn with me and grieve with me or even just acknowledge Micah. I have never felt so much love in my life because of these compassionate people. It really is so very simple if you think about it. JUST LET LOVE LEAD THE WAY. It will tell you what to do.
But here are my suggestions just in case...
-Love the person openly. (Sit with them, hug them, cry with them etc.)
-Acknowledge their pain
-Don't give advice or try to find an answer for their suffering
-Listen, listen, listen
-Be sensitive to the issue (example: if the person lost a baby don't talk about or complain about your baby, etc.)
-Don't forget them just because time has passed. They will never stop missing their loved one no matter how much time has passed.

There are plenty of things to do to show love but these have really helped me. My most special memories during those couple of weeks surrounding Micah's death were with people that are not even related to me. One of my mom's good friends stopped by to visit me and bring me a gift. She just wanted to do something she said. She gave me a tight hug, looked at me and just started to cry. My Father-in-laws best friend also wanted to express his love. He came to the house just to see me. He walked into the room, put both of his large hands on my cheeks and looked into my eyes as he said, "I am so sorry." We had a brief but very heartfelt visit and when he left he hugged me then kissed me on the cheek and said, "I love you." Keep in mind that these are not my best friends, these are the best friends of my family members.

They showed me such pure, uninhibited love. That is all that is required for someone that is grieving. Love that reaches out when it is easier to not say anything at all. Love that will cry with you, hold you, or listen to you.

There is a greeting used in Africa that impresses me. One will ask of another, "Are you well?" the response is, "I am well if you are well."
That is Love.

This poem says it all...
"The mention of my child's name
may bring tears to my eyes,
but never fails to bring
music to my ears.

If you are truly my friend,
let me hear the beautiful
music of his name.
It soothes my broken heart
and sings to my soul."
-Unknown

(Thanks Melanie!)