Going Back to Church & The Character of Christ

Our family was able to return to church yesterday after a month's absence. Going back to church after a loss is extremely difficult. I can't exactly say why, maybe it is being around so many people that know me all at once. Maybe it is because it is easy to feel isolated in grief. I'm not sure. We are taught to succor those that stand in need of succor and mourn with those that mourn but often times I am hesitant to show my own feelings of sorrow at church. Everyone paints on a beautiful smile and it is very hard to discern if other people are struggling too. David O. McKay said, "The greatest battles of life are fought out daily in the silent chambers of our soul." If we are to help one another and love one another we must first be willing to let others see our pain.

In preparing for church I just told myself that I would cry if I felt like crying, or I would smile if I felt like smiling. I wouldn't automatically answer "good" when someone asked me how I was doing. I would give the question a sincere answer.

I already knew that there would be many moments where I would feel uncomfortable at church and wonder what people around me were thinking, or if they were thinking anything at all. Several days ago my mom sent me a talk by Elder David Bednar entitled "The Character of Christ". This talk has helped me to get to know my Savior better and has also given me a focus.

President Bednar said, "Character is revealed in the power to discern the suffering of other people when we ourselves are suffering; in the ability to detect the hunger of others when we are hungry; and in the power to reach out and extend compassion for the spiritual agony of others when we are in the midst of our own spiritual distress. Thus character is demonstrated by looking and reaching outward when the natural and instinctive response is to be self-absorbed and turn inward. The Savior of the world is the perfect example of such a consistent and charitable character."

Elder Bednar goes on to give several examples of Christ in His deepest hours of need turning to those around Him and seeing their burdens instead of His own. It would be very easy to be absorbed in my own pain and turn inward. It would be very easy to feel self-pity and only focus on myself. I have made that mistake before and it isn't helpful. I will do everything I can to avoid ever doing that again and I have needed something to focus on to keep enduring. This talk by Elder Bednar is exactly what I needed to hear. All through church I continued to tell myself, "Don't look inward, look outward." I know that if I continue to remind myself of that simple phrase I will be helped along this road of healing. And I don't expect to do any thing wonderful but hopefully I will save myself from wallowing in my own self pity by seeking out those that are also fighting inner battles.
"Walk with me," I heard him say, "Walk with me awhile today." "Talk with me," I heard him speak, "Talk with me of the things you think. Share with me the things you feel, Share with me so you can heal. Cry with me through your heartbreaks, Cry with me when your soul aches. Look with me a new sunrise! Look with me through opened eyes. See with me the world anew, See with me my point of view. Laugh with me in pure delight, Laugh with me it's all alright! Sing with me as we stroll along, Sing with me I love your song. Learn with me your wondrous story, Learn with me your prior glory. Know with me just who you are, Know with me we've traveled far. Create with me and dreams come true, Create with me I create through you! Walk with me on Heaven's shore, Walk with me forever more!"