Angelversary

Today is Micah's birthday. It is hard to think that it has been three years. Part of me feels like it has been an eternity. So many of those days seemed to drag on and on. I feel like much of the past few years was spent living half way. I mostly did what needed to be done but not much more. It makes me sad to think about how much time my kids lost not having a happy,

present and fully committed mommy. So much has changed. And it took a long time. Life is so fulfilling and happy now. Life is good. No, it's great!

I bore my testimony in church this month. Over the years my testimony has become different things. After Micah died my testimony was my life line. It helped me to navigate through something I had no idea how to get through. It carried me through a long period of time that could have easily swallowed me whole. But now my testimony is more that just something to hold onto. It has become a magnifier. It increases my joys into something even greater. There are moments that I share with my family that make my heart swell with pure joy because I fully recognize my blessings now. I know what I am working towards and my testimony enables me to weed out the things standing in my way.

Healing takes a long time. There are many pieces in my healing puzzle. My faith is the biggest piece right in the center. There is peace, comfort, and understanding given through prayer and study. The moments when I question everything that happened I return to the things that I have faith in and all is right again. My husband is the next piece of that puzzle. What a loving and sweet companion I have. There is no end to his concern and strength. Wrapped in his arms I feel he is my rock. My children are of course in my healing puzzle. They continue to thank God for Micah in their prayers. They give my life meaning and purpose and force me to be unselfish. The last pieces are friends and family that have been a great example to me through their righteous lives and kind deeds. It has taken quite a while to put all of these pieces together.

My greatest joy this past year is the birth of our newest little one, Mit. He is now 8 months old and full of spunk and smiles. I have never felt so at home with myself as when I have a baby settled on my hip. He is a wellspring of joy in our home. Just looking at him brings a smile to all of our faces. I have never felt so blessed in my whole life.

Happy Birthday to my forever baby, Micah. I have learned so much about myself and life because of him. I would never have chosen for this to happen, but there are things I have learned that I would not have been able to learn any other way. I feel honored to be his mother. I hope I will do everything I can to deserve him. Today we donated afghans to the hospital for infant bereavement gifts. We did this last year on Micah's birthday as well. I wanted to learn how to do something to remember him each year and hopefully help a few other people in the process. Tonight we will have angel food cake and get out Micah's box and look through his things and the kids will color pictures for him.

I am so thankful for all of the things God has given me, especially my angel baby. However much I miss him, I am truly grateful.