"Filled With The Grace Of God"

Shortly after Micah died I read a quote that really shook me. I don't think I have ever read something that has changed my life's course so instantaneously.

"When a baby dies, it goes back into the spirit world, and the spirit assumes its natural form as an adult, for we were all adults before we were born. When a child is raised in the resurrection, the spirit will enter the body and the body will be the same size as it was when the child died. It will then grow after the resurrection to full maturity to conform to the size of the spirit. If parents are righteous, they will have their children after the resurrection. Little children who die, whose parents are not worthy of an exaltation, will be adopted into the families of those who are worthy."
(Joseph Fielding Smith, Doctrines of Salvation 2:56)

I already knew that I would need to be righteous to have the privilege of raising Micah after the resurrection. But I did not consider the possibility of what could happen if I did not live up to my potential. The idea of losing Micah again because of my shortcomings has opened up my eyes. It's like I used to see my life with an unfocused lens. Telling myself that it wasn't a big deal to do this or that, after all I did have a good heart. But now that lens has been adjusted to a crisp focus and I see more clearly the changes I can make.

While reading my scriptures the other night I came across a verse that sounded so beautiful and magical. In Mosiah, Abinadi taught King Noah and the High Priests and only Alma believed his words and acted upon them. He went out preaching and he was able to convince 204 people that what Abinadi taught was truth. These people met at the waters of Mormon to be baptized and they "clapped their hands with joy" for the covenants they were about to enter into. Once they were baptized they "were filled with the grace of God".

They were ecstatic to be entering into a partnership with the Savior and were overwhelmed with the understanding that His mercy and grace would save them from their sins and provide a means for exaltation.

Since Micah's death I am acutely aware of how much I need the Savior in all aspects of my life. I have been "filled with the grace of God" or in other words I have been overwhelmed with the feeling of all that grace can give me. I think I took it for granted before and didn't realize what grace really meant.

In one of my favorite books, Believing Christ by Stephen Robinson, it explains that grace is not merely the "cherry on top" added after all we can do. But rather "the reverse would be a truer proposition: our efforts are the cherry on top added to all that God has already done for us. The grace of God has been involved in our spiritual progress from the beginning and will be involved in our progress until the end."

We are taught that we must do all that we can do to be saved. And how do when know if what we do is enough? I guess the real answer is that we have never done enough because this life is all about progression and improvement. But the Savior knows us individually and He decides if we are giving our all or not. The important thing is to not give up. We can't keep all of the commandments all of the time, we are not perfect and will never be. Robinson goes on to say, "All those who really want and work for the kingdom of God with all their strength, however great or little their strength may be, will inherit that kingdom." I am not expected to be as righteous as the most righteous person I know, but I am expected to do my best whatever my circumstances may be. For some people, doing their best might be to get through the day without a cigarette. For other people, doing their best might be a great deal more than that. "God knows our circumstances, and He judges us accordingly. He knows who is standing in a hole and who is standing on a chair, and He does not just measure height--He measures GROWTH." -Robinson-

Once Micah's funeral was over and life had taken on a more regular pace, I knew that I wanted to have a reminder of all that I was working toward. Something that I could wear everyday to remind me that I can try harder. I found this Loving Family Necklace and I wear it every single day. Each morning when I put it on I think about Micah and how much depends on me now. His exaltation is secure, I am the one that must keep enduring if we are to be together again.





Jake also wears a reminder of what we are working towards. He wears the Joseph Smith ring that represents the Eternal Nature of Man.





These small tokens remind us to speak a little kinder, love a little more, and dig a little deeper when it is easier to quit.

"It is reported the someone once challenged the the work of Mother Theresa. No matter how hard she worked, her antagonist insisted, there would be more of the poor and sick tomorrow than there were today, and all her efforts could not even make a dent in the problem. Since she could never hope to succeed, why did she waste her efforts in a losing cause? Mother Theresa's answer was, 'God does not require that I succeed, only that I do what I can.'" -Robinson

I can not succeed on my own. But through the grace of God and by doing all that I can, I know that my dreams will be realized one day.